why can’t i sleep?
last night i slept at 6.30am and woke up at 8.15 for class. now’s 4.31am and im still not sleepy, what’s wrong with me? i’ll have to wake up at 9 for class later on, but if i sleep at 6.3o again that’s barely enough rest and tomorrow is another essay-chionging night. i frighten myself sometimes. have i mentioned, i think i hallucinated about two weeks ago…it was nothing serious, but i heard noises that i shouldn’t have been hearing, like random knocking from inside my cupboards. that, at 4 or 5am is very freaky so i hid under the covers and somehow managed to drift off to sleep.
i want to get back to the sleep pattern i had in the uk, 1am-8am everyday, standard, every now and then an afternoon nap (which were rare cos they take away skype time :o) somehow the other sg girls could sleep from 1am to 11am, and i know i used to feel rather envious but shrug, i had more time to do things. now, i have so much time but my mind isn’t working so what’s the point anyway? in school, you see so many with dark eye rings anyway so sleeplessness isn’t uncommon in singapore.
i want more sleep. so unfair.
i can’t help but
in this year of twenty-firsts i have thus far spent many times more money on friends than i have on myself. is this supposed to be common? yes, to give is better than to receive yet i feel like i am shortchanging myself. but of course i spent all my savings on travelling when i was on exchange so i shouldn’t be complaining…my parents should, though.
groceries were a lot cheaper in the uk. i miss cooking but it’s too expensive to cook for one in singapore.
i told my parents that when i start working i will bring them to the uk because the uk’s awesome. i really hope i can fulfill this promise, more importantly i hope my parents will still be well enough to travel by the time i’ve earned enough to fulfill this. so my new savings fund shall be thus named zero-to-euro [parents' edition].
swine flu
i’ve been sniffling and sniffling a lot and i have a runny nose. omg i have the symptons of swine flu sans fever and cough. omg. im going to impose self quarantine.
wanna be hugged so badly
in the midst of packing…a ton of mess lying on my floor. i came with one luggage. somehow or another my worldly possessions have increased exponentially to fill another luggage and a rucksack. met up with hyunji and caroline today, it’s difficult to think that we may never see each other again – but caroline says, any way or another, we’ll meet in heaven.
gonna have dinner now, at 2342..what am i thinking?! i’ve been having a bit of gastric problems since i came here. i suppose it has to do with starting to cook only when you feel hungry, and by the time your food’s ready, the gastric pains have already taken hold.
and so i whine
i don’t want to leave st john newland! i did not expect myself to cry at the end of my stay in hull, but for st john newland, i shed my tears. i keep tearing even as i study, i don’t know how to deal with this parting. when i left singapore, there was always the certain knowledge that i will see my family and friends again, and so parting was sweet sorrow. but who knows whether i will ever return to hull again, and when? will my friends at the church still be around, worshipping at the same church? i can’t deal with this, and i can’t stop crying. i don’t want to leave st john newland.
a private place for you and me
it just came to mind that i would really like to book a hotel room to spend the night with amos. i feel so deprived of amos that i want one selfish night, away from anyone we know, away from our family and friends, to hide in a cosy room. to spend a private evening with him without having his sister knocking on the room door at 10pm with the most welcoming phrase – ‘isn’t it time for angeline to go home?’ to spend a night with both our phones switched off so that we wouldn’t be disturbed by anyone at all. a night where hopefully sex wouldn’t be introduced, but with a lot of cuddling nonetheless, to make up for four and a half months of not touching each other.a night lying comfortably side by side soaking in each other’s presence away from everything else.
he’s not going to agree. there goes my daydream – back to reality and exams.
stupid skeletons
it is not nice to study archaeology of early medieval england at night. looking at cremation urns and skeletons in odd disfigured positions is alright in the day, but disturbing at night. closing your eyes and seeing skeletons and rotting helmets is rather disquieting, not to mention depressing. to be surrounded by death, even if removed by a couple of centuries, still makes life seem rather bleak, cold and sad.
i get rather irritated whenever i hear people commenting that ’singapore has no history’. wrong. it’s just that you think singapore’s history isn’t glamorous nor interesting enough. or you jump on the wagon like everyone else insisiting that sec2 history and social studies lessons were just propaganda. that, is arguably valid, but it is ridiculous when everybody labels it as propaganda simply because it’ll be uncool to think otherwise – governement stooge you. on a pretty random note i feel like calling ks out for tea when i get back and talk to him, find out what he thinks about singapore, especially since singapore literature is on my list of probable-topics-and-suggestions-for-final-year-thesis.
i can’t wait for amos to call me.
the hard life
all that talk about money makes me sick. as with most other people, i wish i had more of it, but there must be more to life than hankering after wealth. everyone realises this at some point or another, but these ideals crumble in the face of reality or simply coveting after what others have and you don’t. godliness with contentment is great gain, but does anyone actually reach that ideal? it is a lot easier to be content when you are not surrounded by the haves. easier to be a recluse than to face the world and its temptations. every arts student, who chose with their hearts and not with their minds to study the intangible arts instead of something more practical like engineering or law, would probably have entertained the romantic notion of living in the poor house but proud for having followed their dream. reality dictates otherwise. if you are deemed to be good, then you wouldn’t remain in a cardboard box following the dream, you’d be living it. if you still live in the cardboard box, it is quite simply that you were not good enough.what a bleak perspective on life!
to jorvic again!
ahah! i booked my coach to york and im meeting gen for tea. hahaha. this is strange considering i haven’t had any..functioning conversation with gen ever, in acband, and now im meeting up with her for tea in a foreign land, two hours away from me, as if we’re chums. i hope it won’t be awkard. quite exciting!
27 days
and already i am packing my luggage because i am just so bored. packing and crying because i am feeling so lonely and homesick. nothing like boredom and restlessness to make you cry. if i were in london it wouldn’t be so bad because there is some nightlife (expensive though, hmm) or at least plays and musicals…but this place drives me nuts. this place will drive anyone nuts unless you have money to get out. perhaps i should book a train to york to visit genevieve, then at least we’ll both have some company.
