how does sleep reconcile?
my life is in limbo. or purgatory, in that i try to purge amos from my thoughts and my life.
during the stress period i stuck a piece of paper on my wardrobe, a list of post-exam activities that i’d fill in whenever..
amos wasn’t on there, but his presence is written into the activities. how do i strike his trace out? haha by tracing it in. which doesn’t make anymore sense anyway and probably makes things worse. still, i remain a derrida fan.
for convenience’s sake
ELH 3 All students Thursday 17 Dec 2009 1.30 pm – 4.30 pm
heartbreak time = fastest finger’s first time
exam seating
been so distracted that i forgot all about finding out where im supposed to be in a couple of hours. i don’t know whether i should even attempt to sleep, im simply not in the mood. but im not studying either.
| 26-NOV-2009 | 0900-1130 | HL306 | HALL L-Lobby, School of Biological Sciences | 345 |
| 04-DEC-2009 | 1430-1700 | HL315 | HALL D-Sports Hall 2, Sports & Recreation Centre | 440 |
listening to: when you believe
feeling miserable. paper tomorrow, and i can’t think of anything original to say. im stupid. sat at my table crying in frustration. listening to when you believe on repeat doesn’t make much of a difference but at least there’s some noise.
disgusting, all disgusting
depressing day today. studied a little with r and xy. have already forgotten everything i did today, which was not much to begin with. very tired. mentally, emotionally. physically – i still can’t sleep. all night last amos messaged me tons of horrible things until he dozed off while i continued to lie awake, crying. today he told me he loved me. i showed the message to r, who patted my back, and deleted it. how dare he, as if the past two days never happened.
life sucks
i was supposed to meet rose and xiaoyi to study today, but i couldn’t bring myself to go out. i couldn’t do anything today, not even read. my exams are done for. i hate that man.
poor thing
the guy at the pc clinic recommended that my comp should be reformatted, cos a lot of my programs have become corrupted. told me to do it myself cos they charge for doing it. he’s sweet for doing that, he didn’t hardsell me or anything. sigh. yet another thing to do after exams. this is seriously a chore because i don’t know how to really go about doing it. last time i reformatted i lost so much cos the stuff i burnt for backup got corrupted too. bah.
old, new, old
we sang in groups of 6 for today’s choir exam, ssaatb. while practising together i had a flashback of life in band, and with a pang i realised that i miss my section. it’s just not the same anymore. now i meet up with people individually…like meeting yenn in the uk, having dinner with justin, having lunch with amirah, promising to have lunch with fiz in school, but it’s not the whole group anymore, and that makes me sad. not sure if anybody in the section talks to jun now, the last time i asked him whether he wanted to meet up he was hesitant (as i think he would be), hah i wonder whether he’s already written us all out of his life, which would be very sad considering the very long two years we spent together formally as a section.
i prefer band to choir, but today, for a while, i remembered what it felt like to belong, and making music together. for one of my groups i was the only none choir person around, and after the exam they started singing their choral music (ie ask any band person, whoever they trained under, and they’re likely able to harmonize parts for, say, alvamar or ross roy or sth similar) and so i felt left out again because all the music was so foreign to me. until they sang 76 trombones and i could hum along (although the big band version is nicer, but eupho isn’t part of a big band so ha-ha i feel left out of both choir and band huh).
best get back to my essay. wrote only 1/5! what a long night, sigh. i might need that red bull.
eye candy!
i found a new eye-candy in school! ok i mean i’ve known him for a couple of weeks now, but i didn’t realise how cute he was until a girlfriend and i started gossiping about him. hahaha this is very lame. but very sad, today was the last day i’ll get to see him..next sem he’s away on industrial attachment:( i have no fate with my eye candies. like this sem i only ever saw marco once.
so sad la.
sleepless as usual
the other day in school my friend was complaining to me about how she doesn’t get to sleep because of all the work and essays etc etc and at first i was pretty sympathetic because she was sleeping pretty much the same hours as me, then she went on to say oh im so jealous of you you get to rest more than me and i was pretty pissed off.
sure, i can take it as a compliment that i look ok, no significant eyebags even with the amount of sleep i’ve been getting, but that doesn’t stop me from being irritated.
ok la, can’t blame her, it’s not like she knows i have insomnia.
choir exam in a couple of hours! i was so glad it’s pushed one week forward, cos i wouldn’t have been in any fit state to sing last week. i hope i don’t let my group down.
and last paper of the sem due on thursday! i need to figure out how to write 2500 words on a film that’s 11mins long. so far i have 300 words and i am already running out of things to say.
wish me luck!
