a private place for you and me
it just came to mind that i would really like to book a hotel room to spend the night with amos. i feel so deprived of amos that i want one selfish night, away from anyone we know, away from our family and friends, to hide in a cosy room. to spend a private evening with him without having his sister knocking on the room door at 10pm with the most welcoming phrase – ‘isn’t it time for angeline to go home?’ to spend a night with both our phones switched off so that we wouldn’t be disturbed by anyone at all. a night where hopefully sex wouldn’t be introduced, but with a lot of cuddling nonetheless, to make up for four and a half months of not touching each other.a night lying comfortably side by side soaking in each other’s presence away from everything else.
he’s not going to agree. there goes my daydream – back to reality and exams.
stupid skeletons
it is not nice to study archaeology of early medieval england at night. looking at cremation urns and skeletons in odd disfigured positions is alright in the day, but disturbing at night. closing your eyes and seeing skeletons and rotting helmets is rather disquieting, not to mention depressing. to be surrounded by death, even if removed by a couple of centuries, still makes life seem rather bleak, cold and sad.
i get rather irritated whenever i hear people commenting that ’singapore has no history’. wrong. it’s just that you think singapore’s history isn’t glamorous nor interesting enough. or you jump on the wagon like everyone else insisiting that sec2 history and social studies lessons were just propaganda. that, is arguably valid, but it is ridiculous when everybody labels it as propaganda simply because it’ll be uncool to think otherwise – governement stooge you. on a pretty random note i feel like calling ks out for tea when i get back and talk to him, find out what he thinks about singapore, especially since singapore literature is on my list of probable-topics-and-suggestions-for-final-year-thesis.
i can’t wait for amos to call me.
worried sick
amos is in hospital for a day op and i feel bad that im not there with him. he hasn’t replied my messages or answered my calls, i wonder what he’s doing now and whether he’s ok. sigh.
the hard life
all that talk about money makes me sick. as with most other people, i wish i had more of it, but there must be more to life than hankering after wealth. everyone realises this at some point or another, but these ideals crumble in the face of reality or simply coveting after what others have and you don’t. godliness with contentment is great gain, but does anyone actually reach that ideal? it is a lot easier to be content when you are not surrounded by the haves. easier to be a recluse than to face the world and its temptations. every arts student, who chose with their hearts and not with their minds to study the intangible arts instead of something more practical like engineering or law, would probably have entertained the romantic notion of living in the poor house but proud for having followed their dream. reality dictates otherwise. if you are deemed to be good, then you wouldn’t remain in a cardboard box following the dream, you’d be living it. if you still live in the cardboard box, it is quite simply that you were not good enough.what a bleak perspective on life!
to jorvic again!
ahah! i booked my coach to york and im meeting gen for tea. hahaha. this is strange considering i haven’t had any..functioning conversation with gen ever, in acband, and now im meeting up with her for tea in a foreign land, two hours away from me, as if we’re chums. i hope it won’t be awkard. quite exciting!
27 days
and already i am packing my luggage because i am just so bored. packing and crying because i am feeling so lonely and homesick. nothing like boredom and restlessness to make you cry. if i were in london it wouldn’t be so bad because there is some nightlife (expensive though, hmm) or at least plays and musicals…but this place drives me nuts. this place will drive anyone nuts unless you have money to get out. perhaps i should book a train to york to visit genevieve, then at least we’ll both have some company.
feel-good movies
just watched she’s the man on youtube because i was feeling quite lonely. which is pretty much my own fault, because i went out shopping with my friends today but i chose to disappear on them. i hope they’re not too pissed with me. i feel lonely with them, i feel lonely without them, and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i wonder whether they feel the same way? seeing the same people for four months can get on your nerves even when you don’t live together. and singaporeans talk too much about money it irks me, because i have less than them i feel like if im making do they shouldn’t be complaining every single time i meet them. after all, i know that my non-singaporeans friends are as broke as we are but they don’t…advertise it, you know what i mean? no wonder so many singaporeans go looking for greener, more peaceful pastures, singaporeans drive you mad sometimes.
hole up in my room and stop hanging out with them.
kee siao liao
i keep giggling to myself, and i don’t know why. i am still working on my essay (due in 3 hrs!) and i just keep giggling to myself! it’s really weird. hahaha even as i type im giggling! im really amused by god knows what. i called amos up wanting to giggle to him but he never pick up my call. boo. i think i’ve already given up on the essay that’s why im so amused. you know its like how people go in to an exam they’re unprepared for, and come out laughing because it’s so retarded. ah, i feel like that now.
bed and bolster
im getting more and more homesick as i write (fail to write, rather) my essay. im wondering what’s gonna happen when i go home. the swine flu situation in uk seems kinda stable, so i don’t think i’ll have to be quarantined when i get back…anyway, home quarantine isn’t so bad, lock myself up in my room and read all day. quarantining in the chalet sounds kinda fun too, especially since i bought so many books in the uk. stay in the chalet and read until my eyes pop. hahah eh maybe getting quarantined isn’t so bad after all, for me at least. i don’t need cable, hahah.
so monday, june 15th, 2009, evening, i will touch down at changi airport, and proceed to dinner. i’ve been discussing where to have dinner with my sister on skype (quite lame right hahaha) i suggested tapao zichar go home and eat, but she said to eat at pasir ris/changi/east coast. well i know there’s a lot of good food there, but eating at home has its benefits…amos can come over. if i were to eat out, then i’ll have to wait till tuesday to see my amos:( can’t decide what to do and where to go. 2 of the other girls already have supper plans with their friends, while i will…go home and say hi to the resident lizard in my bedroom (i sincerely hope it died in my absence) and then proceed to sleep with my parents because im chicken about sleeping with the lizard. four and a half months of sleeping alone then going home to sleep with parents because of a reptile – pathetic.
i found it hard to sleep without lights the first month i was here, i rarely slept alone at home and the thought of sleeping alone in a foreign place frightened me. then i gradually got used to it and slept without the lights because i sleep better that way. now, i sleep with the lights on again because it feels very lonely in the dark. i rather wish i had baby pooh with me, i wish amos hadn’t thrown it away. sigh.
i want to be that
some people are good at blogging. they learn how to use words sparingly, their entries are short, but leave you wanting for more. of famous blogs, there’s only belle de jour, who hasn’t updated much (or is not allowed to update, i don’t know) after her blog was published in print. of friend’s blogs, there’s this one girl. don’t know her too well, don’t hang out with her much but we’re close when we are together. it’s a strange friendship. she is smart and she writes well, im rather jealous of her, which i told her and we both laughed. i also like reading guo’s stuff – that is, until i unintentionally leaked the contents of his blog a couple of years ago and he shut down the blog and perhaps opened a new one elsewhere. that is regrettable.
my essay isn’t turning out well at all.
