papercut
you know how depression gets to you, when the last person you thought you could speak to abandons you, and you turn to the blade for comfort. after amos gave up on me i grabbed the penknife and put it to my wrist. i pressed on lightly, and i could feel a slight pain, and my skin split open. the pain surprised me, and i stopped. i am, afterall, too cowardly. it’s so light there is no blood, instead it looks like a papercut. there is no pain after the blade is lifted, no pain but the one that is clawing at my innermost being.
on the public side of things,
guo says (4:44 PM):
i just got my embouchure going
dont want to spoil it again
ange says (4:44 PM):
omg. embouchure. i’ve not heard tt word for so long it took me some time to process
guo says (4:44 PM):
lucky you :x
nobody’s coming
it started with amos saying he would come in june to take a break, visit the uk and also help me bring some stuff back. then he lost his job and no longer has any cash to get here. rick just retired and said he was thinking of touring europe and will drop by the uk, probably even hull since he has so much time, but then sarah is going to new york for gylc and he’s decided to go to ny too, to keep an eye on her. my sister was selected to go on a three-party exchange between bangkok-singapore-uk schools, and so she would’ve come to the uk in the last week of may. got me really excited. then thailand just had to go into emergency so the immersion was cancelled. the next time someone says they’re coming to visit me i will tell them they’ve jinxed their own trip.
let’s talk about sex, baby
why is it that everytime i msn guo it inevitably leads to talking about sex? we were talking about exams! and then it somehow led to sex hahaha. still funny, however.
guo says (10:07 AM):
i’ve been really slack
spend all my time on msn and corrupting my female friends
. . .
i advocate safe sex
discreet even
ok need to mug
more nonsense next time
i suppose that means the next time i msn him again we will be back on the same old topic…i guess sex and things to do with it is just fascinating as a whole. or crude, depending on who you speak to. sometimes i wonder why i actually talk to guo about such things, seeing as when i do see him in real life i do not speak to him at all except for the annual greeting..’angie you’re fat haha’ ‘yea what’s new’ and then he sits behind me and i hear his instrument more than i hear his voice. i suppose then, that we talk because we are not close enough for things to get awkward, but then that’s relative, isn’t it?
should probably get him a sex toy as a souvenir…if i can afford it.
a hush hush affair
was looking at s and j’s facebook profiles, and i don’t see any pictures of them together. they’re keeping their relationship from their parents and i feel for them. perhaps they do take many pictures only they’re hoarded safely. im reminded of amos and myself in the early days, when we never took any photos for fear of being found out somehow. its become quite a habit. i like it though, less things to remind myself of the relationship should we ever fall out again.
