i feel happy
jin; says (9:42 PM):
wah lao
dont know how to celebrate with me
when you get a+
for writing poetry?!
wah okay lor
like that!
ange says (9:43 PM):
haha no not for writing poetry
for analaysing my own poem. in contrast with another
jin; says (9:43 PM):
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ange says (9:44 PM):
haha yea. nothing much la.
jin; says (9:45 PM):
and
who is this boy
ange says (9:45 PM):
if you were there you’ll prolly get A++++
jin; says (9:45 PM):
you shoved earphones
into his box
nonsens la!
dont put me on a pedestal all the time
i dont like heights
whos the boy!
amos ah
ange says (9:46 PM):
someone fr church. you might be able to hazard a smart guess
ya
jin; says (9:46 PM):
i always knew there was smthg
but i never knew what
ange says (9:46 PM):
i hid it well, i guess
jin; says (9:47 PM):
hmm
well
i quite clever
i think
ange says (9:47 PM):
haha yeaa
jin; says (9:47 PM):
tsk la
you always never tell me these things
ange says (9:48 PM):
ah. well that particular r-ship wasn’t too well-received with the ppl who knew..so i didn’t see anything in like letting ppl know
jin; says (9:50 PM):
i want to see your poem!
aiyah who cares what people think
but nevertheless
moving rapidly along with life
ange says (9:51 PM):
haha its on the blog. the merlion nonsense
jin; says (9:51 PM):
you wrote that?
ange says (9:51 PM):
it wouldn’t make much sense on its own, i think
jin; says (9:51 PM):
wah very good la
ange says (9:51 PM):
yeah i wrote ‘growing up by the merlion’
good meh. i felt ver self-conscious abt it when i handed it up
jin; says (9:52 PM):
its goodddd
ppl are always self conscious with their creative output
ange says (9:53 PM):
haha like you!
jin; says (9:54 PM):
quite so quite so
let’s be more intellectual about this
since i am revising for my communications quiz, i shall apply it to my personal life and find out WHY COMMUNICATION BETWEEN AMOS AND I BROKE DOWN. i deleted the history of msn convos, so i shall have to make do with a mock argument based on some true arguments, piecing together bits of a 6-month long-drawn quarrel between amos and i.
legend: message as per normal, [intended message which is not received in square brackets], (feedback and my comments in brackets).
channel: msn or sms
angie: im going to do so damn badly for the assignment, i don’t have any inspiration at all.
amos: -shrug- just do it.
angie: i can’t! i can’t do it!
amos: you just have to get down to it. stop putting it off. get over the inertia.
angie: grr i can’t! i just want to rip my notes up!
amos: stop being so childish, just do the work. im going to sleep. goodnight.
(wtf, can’t you just be more understanding?)
*assignment comes back. B-*
angie: shit, i only got a B-
amos: that’s ok..
angie: no, it bloody isn’t, it’s like shit.
amos: why are you raising your voice at me for. a B- is ok, i used to do worse.
angie: that’s you, not me. B- is like shit. im going to die.
amos: there’s no use crying over spilt milk, stop whining.
angie: how do you expect me to stop whining, ass. [can't you say sth nicer to me? here i am worried sick and stressed out about my results and all you do is tell me to stop crying over spilt milk]
amos: look, im not going to molly-coddle you if that’s what you want. im not that kind of guy. right now you should be trying to salvage your grades which means, studying harder.
angie: i don’t want to be fucking molly-coddled, why can’t you just be a little more understanding? [look, i just need some nice words, why can't you just be nicer?]
amos: how do you expect me to be more understanding when you curse at me in every sentence?
angie: you’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to be understanding without me teaching you how to, dumbass. [is it that hard just to say, come on, its alright, you can always try again next time, do you want me to spend time with you tonight or tmr?]
(usually by this time im already in tears, and often quite hysterical, sending waves and waves of insults at him, and him being colder and colder with each reply, which makes me cry harder and harder.)
i don’t think there’s really a need to explain how the miscommunication came about, it’s pretty obvious. message sent, but intended message is rarely received, because the source/sender is unable, for various reasons, to put the intended message down. the receiver receives the message as it is, takes it literally without thinking there is a need to decode anything, sends negative feedback to the source. the source acknowledges the negative feedback, frustrated at her inability to send the accurate intended message, implodes/breaks down and furthers the unintended message with subsequent replies.
other factors affecting miscommunication:
psychological state: “obviously, when everything is going well and we are in a positive frame of mind, we view things…more positively than when our mind-set is negative.”
gender: “men are often confused when women want to continue to talk about something that they think has been settled; women often find themselves frustrated when men don’t seem to listen or respond to what they say”
solutions…if any?:
recognize that each person’s frame of reference is unique: “all of us operate on different perceptal systems, and it is wrong to assume that one [outlook] is better than another.”
distinguish facts from inferences/assumptions
keep an open mind: “remind ourselves that our preceptions may not be complete or totally accurate…prevent jumping to the wrong conclusions about others’ thoughts, feelings, or motives.”
i can see how the solutions do work, but i don’t see how i can be the one to first make them work because…im too busy crying to care. so yenn is telling me her real-life example – apparently she quarrels with jun all the time, just that they can sleep it off, while amos and i continue straight on. but she’s really inspirational, thanks alot, babe. i’ll…try your suggestions out if i do get into another relationship. well, it won’t be anytime soon, anyway.
since this sem started i’ve been sleeping in two – four hour blocks, you can’t blame me for being cranky. amos says i brought it upon myself, which really pisses me off because he simply refuses to take any blame for it. whatever happened to 有难同当? can’t he see that if he didn’t matter to me at all, i wouldn’t be crying every time i receive a horrid message from him? GAHHHHHH. i can’t believe im actually crying now. im such a wreck.
but thanks yenn, you’re really nice to take time out to talk to me and all, especially with law being so tough :S thanks so much okaes.
Works Cited:
Seiler, William J. and Melissa L. Beall. Communication – Making Connections. 7th ed. Singapore: Pearson Education, 2008.
punching bag my ass.
amirah. says (2:19 AM):
omg
angie.
youre vicious
tears in heaven says (2:20 AM):
yes i know.
thank you.
amirah. says (2:21 AM):
eh dont be sarcastic
actually if i had free rein i’d do a lot more. i shudder to think if there were any mind-readers reading my mind. or perhaps it’d be the mind-reader shuddering. im just so angry. unfortunately for me, that anger has no outlet and has thus always been turned inwards, and im the one getting hurt. i hate it, but what can i do about it? if i’ve learnt anything from reading prozac nation, it is that people in depression don’t deserve any sympathy; therefore i do not deserve any sympathy by my own standards. but i can’t help it. i don’t like to see blood too. i can’t even count the number of times i’ve had the strong urge to smash my piano and my violin if not for the thought of needing $10K to replace both objects. i also can’t count the number of times i’ve wanted to run out of the window with a passionate i-want-you-to-feel-guilty-for-life thought if not for the sake of my family and the disgusted thought that it’ll be a waste if he doesn’t even feel guilty at all. and whenever i get suicidal thoughts hafiz pops into my mind – the idea of him putting handcuffs on my cold wrists and shaking his head is quite unbearable and off-putting, but that’s a good thing, anyhow.
it’s funny how amos seems to think he’s been my punching bag, because the one bleeding is me, not him. i don’t see him getting hurt at all. in fact, he seems to be able to sleep well each night while i have trouble falling asleep, and even then, waking up every morning feeling very flustered and twitchy about nothing at all. it isn’t a nice feeling to wake up to a heart that’s beating as frantically as if im going for a piano exam. the whole sem’s been like this, and i’ve been snapping at all my friends. i hate it, but i can’t help it. if amos were a punching bag at all, all my troubles would have been displaced to him long ago and i’d be on top of things, like i was last sem. so amos, if you do read this, stop harbouring the fantasy that you’re my punching bag, because if you insist on that, you are but the one that got rejected even by the factory workers themselves.
amirah. says (2:24 AM):
i think you should do something more vicious than coke on paper
tears in heaven says (2:26 AM):
like…?
amirah. says (2:26 AM):
duno
like slap him
hahahaa
POUR COKE ON HIM
who will lend me a shoulder?
4.27am, it’s yet another sleepless night on the end of a supposedly long weekend. i thought it would be a good time to unwind, relax, take a well-deserved rest.
so it started with amirahh staying over on thursday. great night, it’s the first time this year that i got to catch up with her. then section outing at pizza hut on friday, the first this year, thanks to alumni and ns and whatnots, and it was fairly interesting. topic of the month: mas selamat.
“aiya the police like don’t like us like that. pass the information pass so slow, catch what!”
“i see his face everyday in the office, damn sian. i want him caught too la”
“and then never help in operation some more, just stand behind and shine torchlight only, while we tramp around in the forests”
“but that’s what your boots are for!”
i spent a lazy saturday at home reading the undomestic goddess by sophie kinsella as recommended by amirahh, finished it in two hours. great read, because i really like the character samantha sweeting. we hit it off right at the start, because samantha had a very disappointing birthday, and that i can truly identify with. and yes, i still do wish all men are like nathaniel.
dinner at 大上海 (grand shanghai) was fantastic. good food and nice live music, soft, unintrusive. it was the first time i listened to my favourite song, 情人的眼淚, being performed live, and it was a nice experience. although it brings to mind – if i’d known that favourite song could morph into theme song, i would have chosen fields of gold instead.
bellydancing was incredibly tiring, and it’s only the first of eight lessons. still, it’s the only thing i have to look forward to all week, which either means my life is non-existant, or that it is very…meaningful.
i thought i had a good weekend. thought wrong. my sister, again, mentioned ‘oh, i see you have wasted your holidays on everything except studying.’ did she have to remind me? do i not deserve a rest? does she not know that i’ve only slept an avg of 4hours a day for the past 3 weeks? oh, i guess she doesn’t, seeing as she’s either out or she’s sleeping 14hours a day, of course she doesn’t see me fucking studying. i can’t even type this without crying. i swear, she says this to me one more time this sem im not turning up for her fucking wedding.
my life is a wreck. this sem’s so fucked i see Fs coming my way every time i open my books. and then my hopes of applying for instep will be dashed. nice life to look forward to.
save me
nothing’s really going my way this sem, i’ve had three close shaves with assignment deadlines, which is not a good idea because that means i submitted three frightfully-incoherent essays. i have my friends to thank, people whom i thought were irritating because they kept asking ‘have you finished it’, which turned out to be a good thing cos that reminded me of all the deadlines. today i had a five minute consultation during which nothing fruitful was done because, well, i wasn’t very well-prepared myself. it was a 15min slot but i blabbed everything out within 2mins and he gave me feedback in 3 so, yeah that was a consultation fantastically wasted. well, it was my fault for picking ms saigon anyway, he rejected it almost immediately and i didn’t really have a plan B, so i just picked the most recent Asian movie i’ve watched, which happens to be spirited away, and cooked up 3mins of argument on the spot. on hindsight i think having three minutes of vaguely coherent nonsense to say is quite a feat for me, but still, it’s not enough. nothing is quite enough.
oh i really need the weekend. if all goes well, amirahh, jiayi and viv will be staying over on thurs, and i’ll have a section outing on friday. i know im wasting time which can be better spent studying/catching up on my readings, but i really need this. btw, yibin’s oboe recital on thursday was saving grace, especially the hymn at the end. it touched even non-Christians, so all i can say is…yibin is an instrument of God’s peace.
oh well
ange says (2:33 PM):
well. ok lemme just tell you my story abt him. you’re the first person im telling!
guo says (2:33 PM):
yay
ok shoot
ange says (2:33 PM):
like..he sent me home despite my vehement protests that i can go home alone
and then he sat with me at the playground near my place for like an hour and a half
which was all very nice and enjoyable,
but no normal guys do that unless they like the girl right
and i don’t like him!
guo says (2:34 PM):
eh u never know la
he is just nice
ange says (2:34 PM):
i really hope so
guo says (2:34 PM):
and pls la
i do that with simin also
u think i like her?
HAHAHAHA
pls lor
ange says (2:35 PM):
but you don’t hear of him going out with anyone else
guo says (2:35 PM):
u never ask him what
u can be his best female friend also what
ange says (2:35 PM):
it’ll be the best if that’s the case
guo says (2:36 PM):
i’ll go tease him abt it
this totally made my week
“Godma! Just wanted to let you know how i did for my a’s. It wasn good. Like _ _ _ for my main subs but at least i got an A for international history! Haha. Anyway hope u are surviving english classes and see you next alumni, onstage hopefully haha.”
this was received about three hours ago, but until now im so excited i can’t calm down to think out a proper reply. so weird, we didn’t even speak to each other at the concert but now he sends me this. hmm. oh well, sigh. perhaps its my fault for not approaching him.
msn messenger has a sense of humour
there are sixty-six people on my msn list of church friends. there are currently six people appearing online, away or otherwise. so it says “church (6/66)”. i had to stifle a huge chortle at the irony.
imagine
was feeling very inspired by jx’s amazing sax playing, so i decided to youtube the john lennon song (i personally prefer the eva cassidy interpretation), and realised that the lyrics are highly idealistic. but of course, one might have gotten that from the title already. i initially thought it another silly love song with a nice tune, but it deserves more credit than my silly impressions, it’s a song about world peace and all that. much worth considering.
and sasha cohen skated to that song too, which makes it even better.
if anyone even reads this, come for concert on sat evening to listen to jx’s wonderful wonderful rendition of it on the sax!
