January 27, 2008 at 1:58 am (meme)

i have always dreaded reunion dinners on the maternal side of the family. for some reason i used to be bullied by my cousins back when we were younger, which made for some unhappy episodes in my childhood. now that we’ve all grown up and  become (hopefully more) matured, we maintain this barely-more-than-cordial relationship, but you know, childhood wounds never do heal completely, and im wary of them. my sister too, having on several occasions tried to stand up to them on my behalf but, due to her non-aggressive nature, failed to achieve any goodness. someday i will record those childhood episodes like how charlotte bronte did in jane eyre.

[i have more to add, but some other time.]

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2007: on the section

January 14, 2008 at 3:37 am (section)

1 dec ‘06 – lunch at swensen’s before the pop concert

27 dec ‘06 – night at the museum at cathay, dinner at thai express, plaza sing

6 jan ‘07 – dinner at marina breeks, roadside ice-cream on the esplanade roof-top

24 mar ‘07 – dinner at fish&co. wheelock, dessert at BigO

19-20 may ‘07 – dinner and breakfast at mac’s, sleepover at yenn’s

29 june ‘07 – dinner with the juniors at breeks, takashimaya, dessert at nydc, wheelock

1-2 july ‘07 girls’ sleepover at my place

20 july ‘07 – dinner at swensen’s, plaza sing, chilling at the merlion (also bellydance-ogling at sanubar haha)

31 aug ‘07 – ami, fiz, jus and myself having dinner at kfc, marina sq, then sitting by the river planning yenn’s surprise

8-9 sept ‘07 – sleepover at my place, brunch at amirah’s grill

18 nov ‘07 – lunch at fin, marina sq, relaxing by the river

16 dec ‘07 – dinner at cafe cartel, raffles city, waiting around at starbucks

28 dec ‘07 – dinner at thai express bistro, raffles city, drinks at starbucks

12 jan ‘08 – dinner at swensen’s plaza sing, chilling at istana park

* * *

i seem to enjoy doing up these lists, more for memories’ sake than anything. while reading over what i’ve typed, i realised that i give the impression of quantity over quality. please, that is not my intention at all. i just don’t know how to start talking about my section…i guess im really grateful at being included in this group of great friends. when i was j1, the eupho section was split in two, and within the section i talked only to eulin and zenghao. i remember eulin telling me that the both of them were concerned over my emotional welfare because i’d have no friends when they leave, which is true, and i admit that it did trouble me somewhat. the angeline then would have hoped and prayed for acceptance and friendship, and looking back, i see that God answered my prayer in the most spectacular manner. i am so very thankful for these people- fiz, yenn, jun, justin and amirahh.


christened the last supper by yenn
taken thursday 15 june 2006, muse – a night to remember, backstage at the victoria concert hall.

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2007: booklist for ‘08

January 9, 2008 at 5:13 pm (meme)

no, im not talking about books for academic purposes. that’ll be far too boring. but here’s my booklist for the year ahead…in no particular order.

正说清朝十二帝
the lost army of cambyses by paul sussman
tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom (late, yes, i know)
the master of petersburg by j.m. coetzee
the phantom of manhattan by frederick forsyth
the eye in the door by pat barker
the ghost road by pat barker (just finishing up the trilogy…perhaps i should just buy it)
chocolat by joanne harris
ben hur by lew wallace
confessions by agent provocateur
a wrinkle in time by madeleine l’engle
a short history of progress by ronald wright
any book from the mary poppins series by p.l. travers
any of the neil gaiman books rotting on my shelf

i think that’s nearly enough to occupy me for a year. after all, i am a slow reader. (for trivia’s sake: i think janan is the fastest reader i’ve ever met)

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2007: on people

January 9, 2008 at 12:13 am (meme, social issues)

i was so very free in 2007 that i began to watch people. no, not what people do in psych nor in socio, but just becoming more aware about what people say and do. you know how you are able to anticipate a person’s actions after that person’s allowed you to see him/her as he/she really is? (ok for the purposes of discussion haha i shall use ’she’ to imply people in general) let’s say you now already know how she will respond in most situations, and your guesses probably get more accurate each time you hang out with her. this happens with every relationship, and more frequently with ladies, i should suppose. so, this was all fine and dandy, but why did i start getting irritated by the actions of my friends?

i think i know the answer for myself. the more accurate my guesses are for a person’s response, the better my position to think about the person’s perception and then reasons/motivations for her speech and actions. and indeed, you start disliking some people because you are jealous of them e.g. dammit why can’t i study as hard as her…but im already trying my best! another reason is that her actions and speech present a threat to your value system e.g. how can she be so selfish (condescending), but yet she still benefits without feeling any sort of guilt (but that’s not fair!- part jealousy, part threatened), or when the person doesn’t think the way you do e.g. why can’t she understand? (so irritating, she’s such a retard/slow learner etc)

[i went to eat dinner and now i forgot my point]

oh yes i was saying i feel irritated at myself and at my friends. in particular, band people. every time we attend a concert (band or otherwise), they will give a comment like ‘not in tune one’, or ‘no organ sound’ or ‘chey they tune to equal temperament’ or ‘they’re a Bb band’. and im like screw you im trying to enjoy a concert here. first, ok fine so your hearing’s better than mine, but you do not have to broadcast it. second, so what if you know what pure and equal temperament is? just because you’ve benefited from dr lee’s experiments and teachings doesn’t mean you should go out and have the look-at-me-i-come-from-a-pure-temperament-band attitude. and then of course there’s the envy-factor involved, which is that i wish my hearing was as good as theirs.

i had more to say just now. but aha! i went to watch tv so, it’s gone. damn.

oh, by the way, just because you live and breathe music/money/men/materialism, doesn’t mean other people i do.

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history, again.

January 7, 2008 at 3:11 am (school)

jin; says (10:13 PM):
wah
your results
not bad ah

ange says (10:14 PM):
but history :(

jin; says (10:14 PM):
hm
dont take history anymore
clearly
you dont enjoy it

ange says (10:15 PM):
hahaha you’re the fourth person to say so
but i like the lessons.
its just…i can’t cope with the exams or sth.

jin; says (10:15 PM):
then
you have to make your own realistic decision
i agree
you should study things you like
but sometimes
you know yourself best la

and because in all history matters i hold jin in highest regard, i shall take his advice. no more history for me!

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2007: on love

January 7, 2008 at 12:11 am (school)

i dread this topic, but its unavoidable if i am to give a cohesive picture of 2007.

the only thing i can remember is the week from hell. i can even remember the exact dates – 28th Oct Sunday to 1st Nov Thursday. i celebrated my birthday a day early, on Sunday, when everything happened, and then Thursday, when it ended, because that was when i calmed down enough to write three essays in a night. those three essays were pretty screwed up though, B, B, B-. it didn’t affect my overall results too badly, but i can’t help but wonder whether my results might have been better if i got to enjoy a normal birthday like everyone else.

i was already feeling pretty stressed out prior to that week, not like anybody noticed. not like amos noticed. he was the only one to whom i whined to about workload, but it didn’t seem to matter to him. i had to survey a group of 45 and above on their attitudes towards Singlish. i told amos to pretend to be his parents and do the survey for me. he accused me of cheating. to me, that was not cheating. cheating would be getting them to do the survey and then tweaking the results. i told him to do it as his parents would do it. what is wrong with that? the survey would be as accurate if he knew his parents as well as he should. he scolded me for my lack of integrity. and so i did something i had never done in my whole life.

i slapped amos.

and that is the catalyst for the events that followed, and still happening up till this day. i must have used my birthday week as an excuse for every single disagreement i had with amos till now. yes, im petty. yes, i bear grudges. indeed, i am one of those women in dramas with whom everybody gets exasperated with because she dredges up every single incriminating evidence over the past 20 years of her married life to use against her helpless husband. just because i calmed down enough to take my exams doesn’t mean i have gotten over that week. the crying, the lack of sleep, the personal belongings i smashed in my anger, my attempts to cut myself… those are fresh in my memory. i didn’t succeed in cutting myself though, i held the paper cutter to my wrists, but no incision was deep enough to draw blood. i guess i’ll never be brave (some say cowardly) enough to ever commit suicide. somebody will have to kill me.

it seems like this post ought to be renamed ‘on pain’.

i am too tired to continue on this topic. i know people always say hatred is tiring. it is indeed true. but try as i do, i cannot let go. i said my birthday week was the worst week of 2007. amos says i spoilt his entire 2007. fine with me. four years has passed since we got together, and i can’t remember a single time when i felt blessed and happy in the relationship. perhaps i haven’t been too optimistic for these many years, but…

forget it. im going to watch tv.

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2007: on books

January 6, 2008 at 5:40 am (passions)

i renovated my room in the early part of the year, which was exciting and yet tiring. but the most mind-boggling task by far is the arranging of my storybooks. how do i do it? my dad started the ball rolling. he thought i was too slow in moving into my new bedroom, and he thought he’d help speed things up. my books went in by size. it looked nice and neat, but it was a bit hard to look for books.

then every time im bored i’d arrange a new section of the shelf, so there were pockets of genres/authors here and there. but it wasn’t good enough. you’d know, you can feel that there’s something not quite right about it.

so i went online for suggestions. there were some really good ones. arrange by cover-price, which will probably turn out with university set texts and box sets on the high end and children’s books/penguin/puffin books on the low end. i wanted to do this, but it looked far too messy in my visualisation, so i skipped it. then a suggestion to arrange by date read. i couldn’t do this even if i wanted to, because half the books in my cupboard are unread. for some odd reason i only read library books. i think this is due to the fact that there’s a due date bugging me so i feel a sense of urgency to finish reading. thus i spend all my time trying to finish reading library books that my own get neglected. that is a sad fact. i have become one of those people i despise, those who buy books for the sake of display and to appear smart and well-read. i am neither, but you wouldn’t guess that merely by looking at my bookshelf. ambitious reading projects line my shelves, all untouched. this makes me disappointed in myself.

back to the topic at hand. there was another suggestion to arrange by colour, which i tried out on one shelf. i thought it looked nice from a distance, but nobody searches for books from a distance, so i gave up. but just imagine a whole bookshelf arranged by colour! it’d look amazing, for sure.

and finally, i just went along with my gut feeling for everything. it’s mostly by genre now, and the two biggest pockets of authors belong to none other than J.K. Rowling and Roald Dahl. i used to have a lot of Enid Blytons, but they have all disappeared save some. sad. i’d really like to read Malory Towers again. i wonder what happened to my series on The Magic Faraway Tree and The Wishing(?) Flying(?) Chair? and not forgetting all those short stories too. i expect i gave them to my nieces and nephews. next time i visit their houses i shall look at their bookshelves. i remember my class girls having a discussion during recess where we all thought that Enid Blyton was a bit too structured and dry, and decided to have Roald Dahl as the author children ought to grow up with (or along those lines). after working at the student care centre, i think i’ve changed my mind. at primary four, half of them required effort, and then help, to read Secret Seven. i was highly irritated at them. in primary four, i remember being made to read Peter Pan, which i think is harder that Secret Seven. perhaps im being too harsh on them. after all, not everybody likes reading. im not sure how to think. on the one hand, giving in to them and letting them read simple books like Enid Blyton is pretty condescending. on the other hand, giving them something challenging might scare them off reading forever, which is the last thing i want to do. i guess this isn’t my problem anymore unless i go back to help out…but i still want to hear opinions, if any.

oh, an announcement. who has my Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Dahl, The Secret on Ararat by Tim LaHaye and Timeline by Crichton? i cannot find these books, and i can’t remember who i lent them to. i quite like those titles, so whoever borrowed please return! thank you!

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2007: on reading

January 6, 2008 at 1:57 am (passions)

In 2007, i began keeping a record of the books i read. the inspiration for it was quite silly, really. i stumbled upon a 读后感 from primary school days and thought about reviving it as a hobby. it didn’t quite turn out that way, but at least i kept a list of books that i read.

so at the start of the year, i read science fiction by Michael Crichton. for some reason science fiction is frowned upon by many in the literary world, and i don’t understand why. and then when some brilliant science-fiction comes up, like Brave New World by A. Huxley or Biohazard by K. Alibek or The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells or Frankenstein by Shelley, they are classified as Utopian, Memoirs or Classics. (granted, Biohazard is more a memoir which, while factual, doesn’t quite fit into science non-fiction, nor fiction, because it is so chock-full with facts.) perhaps because science fiction tends to have no literary merit and are too easy to read. before i am too embroiled in the literary arena where everybody shuns science fiction, i am proud to say i read and enjoyed The Andromeda Strain, Sphere, Eaters of the Dead, Jurassic Park and Lost World in the first half of 2007.

i was looking for this series of books i read in primary school about a girl whose wealthy father passed away and she was forced to move out from her exclusive dorm in boarding school to become a school servant so she could pay her way through school. i can’t remember the title nor the author’s name, but i’d honestly like to reread this series. if anyone knows anything about it, do tell me. anyway, while trawling through several libraries’ children’s sections, i emerged with two books- Dancing in Red Shoes Will Kill You by Dorian Cirrone and A Treasury of Ballet Stories chosen by Caroline Plaisted. The Treasury was mostly boring, about girls being determined enough to go through with pointework etc. the only interesting story was about two bitchy cliques in a dance school who kept doing horrible things to each other, like swapping the rosin for detergent powder. that was funny. although if it happened in real life a person’s career might be ruined… Dancing in Red Shoes is hilarious. and the book cover too! super funny. you can see it on my facebook. go read it for yourself, i don’t want to put spoilers here.

a children’s book which should not be read by children is Tunnels by Gordon and Williams. there is simply too much violence and maliciousness in the book. most unfortunately, and thankfully, the plot was slow-moving in the first third of the book, which puts a lot of children off. for once, im grateful for lousy writing. i think children have the rest of their lives to learn about cruelty and hardship, parents ought to keep their childhood happy and innocent. the book works as a political satire, although im not certain whether i read too much into it. really, people should be protesting against the book being marketed as a children’s book. the worst book i read all 2007.

and of all children’s books, who can forget Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? i read, i cried, i reread, and i cried again. i started reading Harry Potter in primary 3, and when it ended, i was ‘j3′. a whole decade of Harry Potter over. and Snape. omg Snape. sigh.
i know there was a lot going on in the Christian world whenever each book was published. but, well, i started reading the book as a non-Christian, and i didn’t turn bad or anything, so i don’t see anything wrong with reading it even as a Christian. there are truly cases of people becoming Satanists after reading the books, but then that’s either lack of discernment on their part, or HP was merely an excuse for what they’d always wanted to do.

did you know that Ethan Hawke is a writer? i didn’t, until i chanced upon The Hottest State in the library. quite a nice book, it talks about first love from a guy’s perspective, so the old love story felt very fresh.

Historical fiction is yet another genre shunned by people, especially after the Dan Brown fiasco. i don’t blame them. it tends to be in a read-one-read-all situation, with the switch in background information being the freshest thing. David Hewson doesn’t quite break out of that mould, but his books can be ‘once you start you can’t stop’, which is thrilling. insert his books after every 4 or 5 others, and it’ll feel fine. i read The Villa of Mysteries and The Seventh Sacrament this year.

one author who does break out of the historical fiction mould is Paul Sussman. i crown The Last Secret of the Temple the best book i read of 2007. oddly enough, i had to force myself to read it because it had a very detailed first quarter to set the book’s tone. but it was worth it. no pain, no gain. it discusses delicate political issues, which is a major plus point. in fact, the uncovering of the ’secret’ was just like icing on the cake after the wonderful narrative on the Palestinian-Israeli issue. simply brilliant.

i tend to shun books on politics, because i am not interested in it at all. i did try though, with In The Lake By The Woods by Tim O’Brien. i had really enjoyed The Things They Carried, and i thought this book would be good because of the many accolades printed on the cover. it was a disappointing read for me, because i am unable to appreciate American politics.

one funny one was Politically-Correct Bedtime Stories by Garner. Garner did a re-write of many popular tales, and it’s pretty good, although it gets boring after the fourth re-write. and then im not sure whether Neil Humphreys count as politics, but haha reading all three of his Notes from Singapore was hilarious. you keep wanting more, but unfortunately, he’s gone over to Australia so, that’s it, i guess. i bought the final book of the trilogy for yenn for christmas, but unfortunately, she had all three already! wasted. hahaha. one consolation is that at least i know yenn well enough to guess what she may like, only that my guess was too accurate. damn. hahaha.

2007 is the first year i began reading romance consciously, egged on by my girlfriends. yet, of all the love stories i read, the only light-hearted and funny one is I Take This Man… by Valerie Frankel. it’s a little black dress book, so i guess it had to be light-hearted and funny. my sister insists that Sophie Kinsella (Madeleine Wickham) is funnier, so i guess i’ll try Kinsella in 2008 or something. Memories of My Melancholy Whores was interesting. it’s my first try on Gabriel Marcia Marquez. i wanted to read something lighter before embarking on the more ambitious Love in the Time of Cholera and One Hundred Years of Solitude. Memories is about a very odd, commitment-less kind of love, and it fits me just right. you don’t usually find these sort of love stories, although Jeanette Winterson matches up quite well, only that the story i read involved lesbian love, which i hadn’t experienced before but it was intense, all the same. i read several short stories in The World and Other Places before it was due, and i never found it again because orchard library closed down.

Love story of the year goes to The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. Jurong Regional Library has many new, untouched copies, so go take and read. it takes some effort though, because the author likes to take you slowly through the scenes to savour each and every place. the descriptive writing may put off some people, but it feels very romantic. it isn’t just a love story, mind, it covers family tragedy, crime, cruelty etc., so please do read it for yourself. just that i read it primarily as a love story doesn’t mean it’ll be a love story for you too.

[edit] how could i forget! my favourite skater Sasha Cohen wrote Fire on Ice: Autobiography of a Champion Figure Skater. it’s not of any literary merit, but, you know, fans will be fans.

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2007: on religion

January 4, 2008 at 1:32 am (social issues)

at jun’s commissioning parade, there was a ‘Blessing By Religious Leaders’. the guests (us) were requested to stand while the religious leaders came out all robed up and prayed for/pronounced their blessings on the graduands. the graduands were in senang-diri (at ease) but with their heads bowed. the religions represented included all the common ones like Islam/Buddhism/Taoism/Hinduism/Catholicism/Sikh/Christianity and a couple others i can’t remember now. yenn expressed her dissatisfaction at the fact that atheism was not represented as well and that any and every atheist amongst the graduands had to bow their heads along with the rest. at that point in time, i agreed with her, because atheists have no god(s) to pray to and that she ought to write in if it really bothered her. we settled with an uneasy (perhaps forced, though i can’t really remember) agreement that it is merely a show portraying the peaceful multi-religious landscape of Singapore.

upon more thought, i still agree with yenn, but i have something to add. monotheistic religions such as Christianity (the one i know best, obviously), Judaism and Islam cannot stand the presence of other religions simply because they are, well, monotheistic. there is but one God – the Lord of the Bible for Christians and Jews, just as there is no other God but Allah for the Muslims. other religions who prayed to other god(s) are counted as false or pagan. the monotheistic religious leaders who were willing to bless the graduands alongside other religious leaders have compromised [some section of] their beliefs. it is clear then that while atheism has been neglected, certain religions have also been misrepresented, which serves to fortify our initial ’sweep under the carpet’ conclusion that the whole thing is just a show. it is indeed a show because i doubt many, if any, guests and graduands really prayed along with the religious leaders for blessings. if there was no true communion with any god(s), then it cannot be classified a spiritual encounter, but merely an appearance of multi-religious harmony. if anyone should like to take it further, the whole blessing by religious leaders thing and the bowing of heads by the graduands is really an act of submission to the state (and not any higher Being), perhaps in gratitude that they have been allowed to practice their faiths freely without fear of persecution/intervention by the state, with the understanding that these same religions involved will continue to promote peace and not strife.

* * *

and i am grateful that we managed to reach a compromise because we both realised that our value systems were in danger of being threatened and that no amount of arguing will lead us to any other satisfactory conclusion anyway. i hope very much that this post hasn’t affected status quo. hmm.

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2007: on God (edit phase)

January 3, 2008 at 4:21 pm (meme)

this blog post is many weeks in the making in all places – waiting at the bus-stop, on the bus, while swimming, those minutes before falling asleep.. yet still, where do i start?

finally, i decided to start with my relationship with God. after all, accountability to a higher Being governs many other relationships, although the degree of governance is arguable. i admit i haven’t been a great testimony this year, in fact, im an embarrassment even. i haven’t spoken to anyone about God the last half of the year. it was easier when i was working, because i was surrounded by christian youths and adults, and while the children were more cynical than me (wow!), they were also willing to hear me out (only when they’re in a good mood, of course).

oddly enough, my faith remains strong. everything else seemed to crumble away but my faith remained. i thought it weird. for the record, and i might get slammed for this- i believe in Intelligent Design. in fact, i believe in a literal 6-day Creation. i believe in the Perseverance of the Saints (i.e. once saved always saved). i believe that Jesus was born of the virgin. i believe that Christ died and rose again on the third day. i believe a whole lot of other things which i will say if anyone asks. so what’s it with me? it’s pretty odd when your relationship is on the rocks to say that your faith remains strong, although that’s the truth as it is. oh forget it. i better not put this on my main blog.

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