another presentacioun
im not freaking out. why am i not freaking out?? i freaked out for the 3.3% one and i don’t feel anything for the 10% one? this makes the first text i actually finished reading for that particular mod. im stressed out cos like amy is alr starting on next week’s text, and rf finished nearly all her books during the hols like wtf seriously. well i didn’t have the privilege of knowing what subjects i’d be doing so i couldn’t read up beforehand…so unfair! just 5mins ago wt saw me online and told me she’s reading for tmr, and i told her don’t bother just listen to me tomorrow. mostly im disturbed that im far behind in my readings by week5 and it’s not gonna get any better, even with cny.
i told amy i want to write the irish essay and she told me to go for it hahaha. thousand words is chickenfeet, but i don’t know whether i have enough substance…
soner or later y woold be speken lik thes becoos of myn acquayntaunce ek middle engelish. of coos myn speling is alle wronge ek needeth much of checke but y am oonly foolyng yronne. tis quit fun, quod y! y am betheenkyng of what to seye but halve the wordes i haf noone. ye reders, dost thou ken what y haf ben seyng thus far? pah! spekyng no reson am y.
me hadde goon to slepe or y shal be deede in the morn. slepyhede y wysh y am, but lyeth y heere wyth open ye alle the nyght longe. whan wold y be slepy?
’tis ben funnye as shyt. self-amusement ftw.
dog dog
i went to dom’s place, and he specially brought 2 puppies home fr steph’s place for rose and i to play with. whee!! the puppies were just groomed (read: shaved) and they look so skinny and naked! they look even smaller than they did previously and so fragile i was at first scared of handling them.
i rather miss furby and jj. at least dom’s doggies are cared for and well loved, the dogs in amos’ house are loved only by his domestic help and yours truly. very sad. at least i may get to see them at cny.
i borrowed marley and me and i can’t wait to watch it!
groupwork always pisses me off
i mean, if you know you have a presentation to prepare for, then jolly well read the book and the relevant criticism and not make me waste time explaining things to do. i have to vet every single thing you plan to say because you don’t know what you’re talking abt, it’s like im writing your presentation speech for you. if it was just a and i it would’ve been fine because we paced our reading as agreed upon, except for her argh. she’s nice and all but oh gawd where’s her sense of urgency?
ok i guess i won’t do group presentation for grain of wheat, the same thing might happen. then there’s ivanhoe and cymbeline to go solo on. should be stressful but ok.
i feel a bit pukey and sore. if im falling sick then let it happen after wed’s presentation pls…
camel body roll camel
i think that after i learn zouk (the dance, not the club), i will become very good at tribal bellydancing.
i just need to find money.
and i just have to say this, amos, if there was anything you wanted to splurge on for me, this would’ve been suitable. not something i’d already said no to many times. also i can’t help but think of the better things you could’ve done with the money. i don’t know whether you regret as i do but i hope you do so that then perhaps you’d learn to be more careful with your money. really you should be regretting more than i do, i don’t know why i even care.
shifting the blame
hemingway died of suicide; i wonder how. my perfect suicide plan as of now is to donate blood, then slit wrists in a warm water bath. i am in part inspired by the roman guy whose name i forgot and by the blue mansion. was it sylvia plath who died by sticking her head in an oven? who was it who drank acid? i think that’s too painful.
when he saw my listless eyes after presenting me with the gift, he was dismayed, and i saw it in the line of his mouth, the disappointment in his eyes. i closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep so as not to see it, not have to deal with it. i don’t know what i should have done, pretended to like it? he’s been hard at work, and he only wanted to make me happy. but im hardly ever happy, and my memory seems fitted out only to recall the bad and the ugly.
in secondary school i used to keep a happy journal to deal with my unhappiness. rules: you were to record at least one thing that made you happy each day. creamy rainbow-coloured pens used to be popular and i bought one of those specially for the journal. after perhaps a few weeks, i got disillusioned, and stopped. i tore out the pages. i do believe the same notebook is lying around somewhere.
i have digressed. dishappiness is contagious, so i read in some popular science article, therefore i should stay away from people. i don’t want him to be unhappy, but i don’t know what i was supposed to do. he probably went to sleep feeling all frustrated like i have been all day, and i don’t want that for him.
im incapacitated
i can’t work when we have disagreements. on thursday, i covered 180pages in 3hours. today, from morning to night, i’ve covered only 40pages of the same book. wtf.
if you’d listened to me in the first place, this wouldn’t be happening. we both know we have no use for the white elephant.
i want somebody to rant to, but i already know the various answers im gonna get, and i also know the answers don’t solve the problem at hand anyway, so wth, seriously. what is it about the answer ‘NO’ you didn’t/don’t understand and why do you have to think you know me better? don’t know what the hell i scrimp for.
i have the hots for my lecturer
yes, otherwise i’d be much tempted to skip friday classes, cos i don’t learn much. level2 courses are just so…obvious, in a way. level4 courses rock, just that i don’t do well. the level3 courses im taking this sem are not too hard but there’s as much reading to do as a level4 so that’s not great. wahh level2 courses shiok leh. i need to take more of them.
i have been distracted. yes my cute lecturer from new zealand. yesterday amy was doodling on my notepad ‘ACY is sooooo cute!!!’ and i was like ‘no BEDE CUTER!!!!’ and we proceeded to mutter our arguments even as acy was lecturing. she gawked at me for my apparent bad taste while i rolled my eyes at her. bede is really cute. but boring. i don’t find acy cute, but he’s interesting. talks about sex a lot. or rather american lit gives him the opportunity to talk abt sex a lot. his lectures are damn funny. he’ll open with a wikipedia-like entry, and then next slide reads ’sexual repression’, and he goes ‘oh let’s talk about sex, everybody loves sex…don’t you?’ and then yet later, when he’s quoting from the text a phrase ’sleepy eyes’, he delves into ‘have you guys ever seen sleepy eyes? aww they’re the best thing you can look at, in a loved one, they give you such a warm feeling, and you know when it is you see those lovely sleepy eyes….sorry is that too much information? are you guys underaged? ok let’s get back to the text’. yes american lecturers are very good on the topic of sex, english/irish lecturers talk about it straight-faced emotionlessly while local lecturers don’t broach the topic if they can help it.
i feel like writing the irish essay but it’s such a chore…cld be fun though, cny hol project.
window shopping, at least
i wanted to go shopping tomorrow after school to look for cny clothes. then i remembered im going to donate blood, and if my prior experience is anything to go by, i’d not be in shape for any shopping. i just hope it goes well tomorrow and nothing horrendous happens again like the last time. i don’t know how some donors can just hop off as if nothing has happened while im dazed for the next 5mins purging heavily. and that was just two slices of bread eaten three hours earlier. i can’t quite decide whether or not to eat breakfast tomorrow. i don’t want to have to puke again, but you’re advised to have some food prior. i think i should…refrain from eating. im becoming quite nervous all over again! what a scaredy cat.
what i’d do
what i’d do if i had a big pot of money drop at my feet. i’d take up classes to learn whatever i want. pottery, french, more bellydance, cocktail mixing, fine cuisine, tabla+zills. i’d replace a whole lot of stuff in my house. i’d buy new fans, a microwave oven which doesn’t have to be operated with pliers, a toaster which doesn’t have to be operated with a coin, a sandwich maker, a dryer, an oven, replace the stoves. i’d buy new energy-saving environmentally-friendly aircons. i’d eat where i want without having to keep an eye on the price. i’d cab everywhere. i’d let my parents cab everywhere. i’d book a hotel room and finally sleep in peace and comfort knowing there’re no lizards around.
i feel like having barbequed food, but its so tiring.
